I'm back!

I don’t think I can begin to list everything that has been happening in our lives these past eight months. Most family and friends have been with us every step of the way and we appreciate everyone’s support. My mom was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforma (Stage 4 brain cancer) in the beginning of February. After brain surgery, radiation, chemo and constant medications, she's been stable for a few months and is one tough cookie! It is the most awful, hard wrenching, and confusing time my family has ever been through. My mom is being as tough as she can, but it is hard for her...an unimaginable feeling and situation that she's going through.

For myself, I feel that I'm almost hardening myself to everything. Maybe it is my way of coping. The hospital chaplain said it best when he told us that everyone deals in their own way. Some may get upset, some may shut down, some may feel numb...but there is no right or wrong way to cope. I think it is the “mom” inside me that feels the need to hold everything together, keep organized and keep on going. Just like my mom is facing everything head on…I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

January was definitely the craziest time of our lives. To update those that haven't read in a while - Emily is my 2nd born and a mass was found above her kidney when I was 7 months pregnant (on a regular ultrasound). After being born, she was taken to UNC Chapel Hill, had monthly testing and it was determined that she had Neuroblastoma cancer. Neuroblastoma is a grouping of abnormal cells that can be located in 1 area or spread throughout the body, depending on the stage. I had full intentions of documenting Emily's surgery and recovery for use by other families that may be going through the same thing. I had it all typed up by mid-January, then my mom got sick and my life ceased to exist as I knew it.

While there have been so many scary moments over the past 9 months, I've surprised myself with my strength as a mother, daughter and woman.  Sure, I've had some bad days, but you also find out what you are made of and come to learn who your real friends are.  There are still "friends", and even family members, that have yet to contact me...whether they are self absorbed in their own lives or they just don't know what to say.  I will remember that about them (always) and yet I hope that they will never have to go through a similar situation.

I plan on updating my neuroblastoma surgery write up and posting it soon. I pray I can keep posting, updating everyone on my amazing family and keeping this online journal for my kids to read one day.  Here's to HOPE!